train-wreck

I was going to describe my first attempt at Maroondah Dam 30km this morning as a “car-crash”, but that’s clearly inadequate. Car crashes aren’t nice by any means but, unless the Blues Brothers are involved, they usually only involve minor carnage. This was more than minor.

So, train-wreck it was.

I enjoyed the first 600 metres, which was good. Shame about the next 30km. My calves started to complain within 2km, and by 3km my heart rate had risen from its customary ice-cool lope to “oh my god the boat’s sinking and all the life rafts have been taken” panicky sprints. It’s a shame Radiohead weren’t around taping it, as the sound of my heart-beat would have mixed in quite well on their latest record.

Anyhoo.

After 5km the hills lessened somewhat, going from “simply impossible” to “you what? you want me to go up there?”: a minor improvement at best. I struggled on, ran into Tiger Boy about 6km from the finish and we dribbled our way to the end. It was under 3 hours 30, but not by a whole lot.

A complete write-off. I’m so unfit. Angry, depressed, you name it.

I’ve been searching through the archives of this site (surprisingly large, I must cull some!) and I don’t think I have ever lowered the tone by using a four-letter word. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve a big fan in real life of the short-sharp s*** or even, when greatly roused, a c***. As words go, they may not be nice, but they get to the point admirably. In print, however, they show a certain lack of taste and refinement. And, you have to put in all those asterisks, which is a major drag.

So, believe me when I say this, the word I’m about to use is only appearing on this blog because it is absolutely the only word in the English language that can convey the full force and meaning of this morning.

Fucking awful.

There, that feels better.