a voice from the grave

Posted on May 5, 2008 by JH

Cast your mind back into the dim dark past, back as far as… erm… yesterday. I believe I mentioned something about a slight cold. Something along the lines of a sore throat.

I may have been stretching the well-known JH talent for understatement to its limit there. I don’t so much have a cold as a full-on infection. When the friendly local GP inserted the tongue depressor, jimmied open the jaw and cast a professional eye tonsil-wards, he gasped. I kid you not: he gasped.

It was some seconds before he could reassemble his ironic detachment, before grumbling something along the lines of “that’s an impressive throat you’ve got there.” Believe you me, that’s not a compliment.

So, a dose of antibiotics is in order. Joy. Bliss.

In the meantime, I’ve been left sounding like a ouija board that can talk. No, I’m more breathy than that. A ouija board with a voice, standing in the middle of a hurricane.

It’s amusing, but not terribly helpful when you’re trying to restrain a two year-old running rampant in Eastland.

Ronaldo
Can I just say quickly, can everyone please lay off Ronaldo?

I’ve said for years that he’s a fat, overpaid, over-the-hill, lazy son of a… - well you get the drift - but no-one seemed too worried about that.

But one drunken encounter with a trio of Brazilian transvestites and everyone jumps down his throat.

Let’s be honest here: who amongst us hasn’t, at one time in our lives, spent some quality time in a cheap motel with three or more cross-dressing Brazilians?

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9 Responses to “a voice from the grave”

  1. Sekhmet, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:50 pm Said:

    Dear Mr Henderson, one wishes to inform you that the writer of “Life in the Slow Lane” has enough trouble remembering what happened five minutes ago let alone one day ago! Narrative arc - pftt :P

  2. Em, on May 5th, 2008 at 10:21 pm Said:

    You get sick alot, I prescribe alot more garlic and vitamin C in your diet young man.

    Now my transvestites await, I can’t be wasting my time here giving out random medical advice.

  3. jojo, on May 5th, 2008 at 11:37 pm Said:

    zinc garli echinacea and c…all good… take care

  4. a/m, on May 6th, 2008 at 11:26 am Said:

    and don’t forget the probiotics!

  5. JH, on May 6th, 2008 at 11:27 am Said:

    are there probiotics in sticky-date pudding?

  6. a/m, on May 6th, 2008 at 11:27 am Said:

    oh, and truly, there’s nothing like a gravelly, husky, hard-night-on-the-whisky-even-though-it’s-more-like-cutting-through-phlegm type of voice. make as many phone calls as you can and you’ll have the ladies a-swooning…

  7. JH, on May 6th, 2008 at 1:07 pm Said:

    Are you saying my normal phone voice doesn’t make you swoon?

  8. Andrew(AJH), on May 6th, 2008 at 8:17 pm Said:

    One of my (fat) friends was trying to convince me the other day that running a lot makes you sick - of course I poo poo’d him completely - you’re not trying to prove me wrong are you?

    Get well soon - and don’t breathe on the baby.

  9. Jaykay, on May 6th, 2008 at 9:09 pm Said:

    Get well soon John.

    I hope you’ve done the right thing and stayed home, rather than infecting everyone at work :-)

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