for men

I wrote the other day, somewhat scathingly, about people needing instructions on packets of crumpets (People are stupid)

The general thrust of the post was that instructions on packaging didn’t need to be quite so literal and direct.

I take it back. I reverse my position.

Yesterday morning, in the shower, I fumbled around the place looking for something to wash my hair. There’s about a million bottles in there, scattered on the ground and in the hanging bit, all of them purchased by the lovely wife. I picked up a likely looking one. It said on the pack, and by the way, the eccentric punctuation is as it appears:

relax & unwind – reposer et detendre – Take a wander through time into a lavender filled field… it’s so easy to leave the path of your day… I honestly want to relax

Yes, but is it shampoo? Is it?

The bottle didn’t seem to say. It smelled nice, but offered no guarantees of results when applied to the hair region.

It turns out it was “aromatherapy body wash”. So – not even proper soap. In fact, it probably boasts about being “soap free”. Which means, to me, that it won’t even get you clean.

What’s the bloody point of that eh? Why can’t these people just say what they mean? If it’s just smelly, girly stuff that serves no purpose, why can’t they say that?

Why not “Pantene overpriced smelly bottle of goo”? Or “Loreal: because you have too much money and not enough self-esteem”?

Anyway, I’ve since found a brand of shampoo that speaks directly to me. It’s “Sunsilk for men”. (Roarrrrrr!!! For Men!!!!) The thing that sold me was the writing on the packet. Again, I quote:

“Removes dirt”

“Dirty head? Detox everyday shampoo”

Now that’s my kind of advertising.

Running
13.75km this lunchtime. It was a touch windy, but not disastrously so.

not such a good idea

I hope I’m not talking out of turn here, but I’m beginning to feel some of the decisions made by the rich and powerful in our country aren’t always wise.

Take this story:

Starbucks to close 61 Australian outlets

My question is: who decided to open 61 Starbucks in the first place? What were they thinking?

Then there’s the banks’ apparent policy of lending money to just anyone passing by. It’s coming back to bite them now, surprise surprise. The good thing about being a bank is, if you really stuff up you can always raise interest rates to make up the difference.

Great.

The worst example of bad thinking has got to be Qantas’ new open-top plane idea.

I mean, I realise planes get pretty stuffy and after 6 hours they could do with some fresh air, but is that the way to do it? Didn’t they think people would object when their luggage was suddenly dropped somewhere in the middle of the South China Sea?

They really didn’t think that one through.

Running
18km last night in the cold, dark streets of Ringwood and surrounds. It was pleasing though – one of those runs where you do the last 3km at full pace and finish on a high.

people are stupid

Specifically, the people who write the instructions on Coles crumpet packets. Yes, you read that right – instructions.

“Cook in a toaster until golden”

Phew, thanks for telling me, Mister Coles. Up until now I’ve been waiting until they go black.

The worrying thing about this is that, presumably, the people who write these things aren’t stupid; that somewhere out there are people who can’t figure out what to do with a crumpet. Have they been burying them in sand? Blending them in a food processor? Freezing them in an ice-cream maker?

The mind boggles.

Running
I have a couple of laps of the tan on Friday. Today I have a long-ish run planned, always assuming it stops raining at some point. I’ll let you know.

Pushups
I took a week off in my last bout of sickness, so I’m a bit behind schedule. I’m currently in week 5 and managing 160 in a session. I managed 45 in a row a couple of days ago. The arms hurt, but there’s not noticeably muscular development.

Cycling
Cadel Evans seems to have bottled it overnight. Again, I slept through the thing. I had a feeling that would happen. There were too many people airily assuming Cadel was the fastest thing on two wheels and that he’d “of course” smash Sastre to smithereens in the time trial.

I think not.

who does this remind you of?

For all you Ausrunners and/or Cool running people, have a peak at this picture:

It’s actually John Darwin, the English guy who faked his own death to collect the insurance payout, and who was found swanning about on some Costa Rican beach earlier this year. At least, that’s what the papers say. It looks an awful lot like Tiger Boy, no?

I ask you, have you ever seen TB and this Darwin character in the same room together? No, I thought not.

Very fishy.

le Tour
I did try to stay up. Honestly, I did. I even made it half way up the Col-de-something-or-other and over the other side. At that point, my eyelids became increasingly heavy, and before I knew it they were playing the test pattern.

Apparently Cadel fluffed it a bit, but possibly not disastrously.

Running
I did run last night – 10km of hills followed by 6 strides. Fun. It didn’t help me stay up but hey, what are you gunna do?

le tour de sleep

I quite like July, mainly because of the Tour de France or, as we amongst the cognoscenti say, “le tour”.

It’s pretty rare to see so many guys who are skinnier and smaller than me in the one place at the one time. It makes me feel good.

It can also be quite exciting, in a drawn out, “who’s the guy in the pale blue bike shorts” kind of way.

Sadly, what with my ever advancing years and various small children, I can never manage to stay up. Last night, I camped myself on the couch, SET THE ALARM and filled myself with caffeine and chocolate and I still managed to fall asleep half-way through NCIS.

I have a vague memory of seeing someone in Gerosteiner colours miles ahead of the pack on his own, but honestly I could have dreamt that.

Running
None today. Possibly some tonight. Maybe if I time it right, the post-run high will keep me awake for le tour. I’m told it’s an important stage tonight.

we don’t need another hero

I’m not sure entirely why that came to mind, but it’s snuck in there and won’t vacate the premises. Now the rest of the song is on repeat in my mind (“we just need to know the way home” Why?) and I can’t get the image of Tina Turner in chain-mail stockings out of my head.

Ahh yes, that’s why. I was thinking of going to see Batman, or as it’s colloquially known – “Heath’s finest hour”. I’m a male and, like it or not, I am genetically predisposed to enjoy Top Gear and movies with explosions.

I’m told the new Batman has explosions a-plenty, which is good. On the down side, it seems to be one of those new breed of superhero movies where everyone has a dark history and is terribly conflicted and complex.

How dreary.

Running
I set out for a lunch-time run today, convinced I was in for a bucketing, possibly two. Happily, the clouds parted, the heavens neglected to open and my cup runneth over with happiness and mixed metaphors.

14.22km in 1 hour 3 minutes, which is acceptable progress in one so unfit as myself.

Here it is on mapmyrun.com.

rare good news

After some three weeks of dense gloom, interrupted only by increasingly v-shaped depressions, it’s good to finally hear some good news.

Big brother is officially dead.

What’s more, I’ve heard Kyle has been taken out the back of the set on the Gold Coast, lined up against the wall and shot. (That last bit isn’t actually true, worse luck).

Another piece of silver-lining comes in the form of the World Youth Day celebrations. Not the thing itself, mind. As a Richard Dawkins-style “militant” aethist, there are probably victims of clerical sexual abuse who are bigger fans of the Bish’ of Rome than me.

That being said, it’s all over now, and everyone’s going home.

Think about it this way: in the next few days, 150,000 earnest Catholics AND the Pope leave the country more or less simultaneously. We have 150,000 fewer Catholics than we did last week.

It’s not everyday you can say that!

Running
I have my first run for two whole effin’ blindin’ weeks last weekend. 17 laid-back kilometres chooffing along the Eastlink trail, from Ringwood along to Springvale Road and back. It was a vaguely enjoyable follow-my-nose type run. The Eastlink trail is enjoyable enough, though excessively concreted and a touch vertical in spots.

can’t say anything nice

Apologies for the gaping hole of silence in the last week or so. I’ve been sick, yet again, and operating on the “can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” principle.